SKIBIDI AZ HERPS

kradiganscience24
Jun 4
3 min read

Tavishi

I know what you're thinking- how are reptiles and amphibians related to skibidi toilet?

The truth is, it is an art to be skibidi. It is not something that can be merely quantified. The word skibidi encompasses many traits, which I can't quite put into words. Or at least, not assisted by reptiles. Nevertheless, despite how daunting the task is, I willingly accept the challenge. I refuse to see any problem as insurmountable. That, in of itself, is skibidi.

I will rate my favorite reptiles of Arizona on their skibidi-ness on a scale from 1-10.

First, the Couch's spadefoot toad. Amphibians in Arizona are pretty cool, considering how dry and water-less AZ is: because of uh, desert, the amphibians are really, really resourceful. Case in point: Scaphiopus couchii! The Couch's spadefoot breeds in ponds after heavy rains, and spends the rest of the year they aren't breeding and actively producing more Foogs buried in the soil. They're most active during the summer, and their offspring can mature out of being a tadpole in less than a week.

I got to see quite a few Couch's spadefoot toads myself this week, right after the heavy monsoon on June 1st. They were pretty cool. They were swimming around in this huge puddle (almost a pond), and making a lot of noise. Their calls are startlingly cat-like.

On a skibidi scale of 1-10, I'd rate Couch's spadefoot toads a strong 7.8 for aforementioned skibidipity.

Next, chuckwallas. I love chuckwallas. They're like dinosaur sloths in the best way possible. I've grown up watching chuckwallas lazily swinging from branch to branch of the palo verde tree out of my bedroom window. I didn't always know the word "chuckwalla", until I spent an exorbitant amount of money on a pocket field guide.

Chuckwallas are very closely related to iguanas, as they're a member of the subfamily Iguaninae.

The chuckwalla is like a walmart, plant-eating, lazy Gila monster. It has basically the same colors: orange and black. However, the chuckwalla is primarily rock-dwelling and is just a lot more sun-loving and chill.

Depending on the region of Arizona the Chuckwalla is found in, the colors are different. Where I'm from, they typically have black backs and orange bellies, with the males having more orange than the females (sexual dimorphism!?!!??!?!)

Most importantly, the chuckwalla earns itself a 4/10 on the skibidi scale.

Finally, the Mexican hog-nosed snake is remarkably skibidi. I love hog-nosed snakes: they are so baby-faced, it's absolutely adorable. I love the little curved rostrum (paddlefish moment [jk it's just the nose area]), especially with the huge eye combo.

Hognosed snakes are pretty cool. They do very silly defense mechanisms. They first try to fight, and if their enemy isn't impressed, they pretend they are dead. Even though the snakes do have a little bit of venom, they're harmless, really.

They first start off their defense with "bluffing", where they sort of act like a big scary snake and hiss and pretend to bite. In the extremely likely event that their enemy is not, in fact, terrified by "big scary snake mode", the hognosers take to pretending to be dead, going so far as to emit foul smells from their cloaca. The snakes will even get themselves to fake vomit blood and also poop themselves to really sell the bit.

... if only they put more effort into actually being scary they might actually be scary

The Mexican hognosed snake gets a 6.9/10 on the skibidi scale.

Honorable mentions for the skibidi scale that did Not make it to the post: Horned toad: 3.7

Agassiz's Desert tortoise: 10

Sidewinder: 2

Eastern collared lizard: 5.7

Barred tiger salamander: 3.1