WHO IS STEVE, REALLY?

Tavishi

If you're anything like me, you've been bombarded with the steve poisson videos. He is fish. He is orange. He has arms and legs!!! But alas, he is of the baguette nation.

il est oraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange

Although Steve ravishes his newfound fame, this begs the question: who is Steve really? Sure, he's an orange fish with arms and legs. But that information is just simply inadequate. As a lover of ichthyology, I take it upon myself to identify Steve.

Upon first glance, you may mistake Steve for a goldfish. Goldfish are truly, truly, wonderful creatures, and very intelligent. They were selectively bred from carp, and are pretty dang cool. My first pet was a common goldfish named Macchi.

The key reason why Steve isn't a goldfish? First, he has legs. And also arms. If we interpret him as a goldfish, he must be either a common or comet goldfish. Nevertheless, he is not a goldfish. But also, Steve has no dorsal fin. Or perhaps...

His dorsal fin just appears different.

Steve also lacks clear pectoral, ventral, and anal fins (these are the fins on body.) However, perhaps we can think that those arms and legs of Steve are instead modified fins. And what other fish looks like it has arms and legs, but they're just fins??

BATFISH!

me.

Perhaps reading this you might think I am batfish crazy. But. STEVE HAS TO BE A BATFISH! Yes, his body shape doesn't quiiiite fit the appearance of a batfish. But remember, this is still just an animation, so it is simplified. Steve's batfishity can be justified with: 1. Dorsal fin 2. Pelvic and anal fins 3. Orange sillycore.

First, Steve's dorsal fin, a significant point of contention.

Batfish are a type of anglerfish- think the funky guy in Finding Nemo. The fibrous thingy that holds the lure is called the illicium.

Batfish have an illicium, which is really just a modified dorsal fin. On the end of said illicium is an attached esca, or the lure. However, batfish are able to tuck the illicium and the esca into an illivial cavity; thus why we've never seen his lure. But also, why it appears that Steve has no dorsal fin. The real dorsal fin? The friends Steve made along the way (or, well, the prey he's caught. Bro's a carnivore. His dorsal fin is doing much more important things.)

I believe, specifically, that Steve is a starry seabat, or minipizza batfish.

steve!

Here, between his eyes, you can see the space which holds his illicium and esca; the illivial cavity! The esca of starry seabats is two-lobed, which I haven't been able to find a good picture of. Think poorly separated cherries.

Next, why Steve has arms and legs.

As discussed earlier, I believe Steve is truly a minipizza batfish. (I cannot believe this is a real name.) As Steve himself proclaims (lies, I tell you! LIES!), he has arms and legs.

But does he really? Or are his so called "bras" really just buff pectoral fins? I claim the latter. Starry seabats have modified pectoral fins allowing them to walk along the sea floor; this is actually a characteristic of most batfish and frogfish. You immediately know, however, that Steve isn't a frogfish, because Steve has an illivial cavity. Steve's cat is out of the bag: he is a minipizza batfish, otherwise known as a starry seabat, or starry handfish.

The scientific name of the starry seabat is Halieutaea stellata. It is found near the coast of Australia, and in benthic waters. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll ever find one in the wild. However, even though morphologically, Steve is probably a batfish, if he weren't, going purely off of vibes, I think he'd be a garibaldi. Garibaldi are the state fish of California, and are aggressively orange in their own right. They bring life to the green monotony of a kelp forest, and look as stupid as Steve le Poisson.

Even though the original Steve is French, the garibaldi's namesake, Giuseppe Garibaldi, was an Italian nationalist who aimed to unify Italy. Perhaps for that reason, Steve cannot be a garibaldi.